Communication is part of our every-day life, it is the key to all our relationships, personal or business, good or bad. In a high speed society like the one we live in, we tend to overlook the importance of words, spoken or written, therefore being misunderstood by our interlocutors. Hi-tech environments like IT companies, where we are mostly used to “talk” to machines by giving them clear and brief commands, expecting immediate action and answers in return, may sometimes make us forget that this doesn’t always work for people, who have feelings, beliefs, backgrounds and perceptions different from our own.
It is therefore essential to communicate not only efficiently, but also “humanly”. This latter notion involves respect and care for the others’ oppinions, beliefs and efforts, values that make or break, by presence or absence, relationships, friendships and teams. When you really believe in these values, you come to realise, more or less consciously, that there are some words that you might want to avoid when talking to your mates.
Must
You are a free person, so there is nothing that you must do. If your boss tells you otherwise, it is only because he’s not willing to take the time to explain to you why it is better, for you and everybody else that relies on you, to take those actions. It is much easier to tell people what to do then explaining them why to do it, taking advantage of a position.
You may say that there are still things that you must do, whether you want to or not. Like, for example, paying your taxes. If you think deeper, you will realise that you are in fact weighing the impact of different situations in which you land if you take one or another decision. As a rational being, you will then do what is better (or less bad) for you, but you still don’t have to do it. You’re doing it because you chose to.
Fault
When something goes wrong, the first thing that comes to your subconciousness is to make sure that you’re not “guilty”, and the easiest way to achieve this is by pointing fingers and passing the blame. Good news is, that you don’t need to do that when you are part of a team. There is no such thing as “fault”, “best” or “most” in a team. Responsibility, success, failure and difficulties are shared by all members, acting as one single bigger force which overcomes everything much easier than you alone.
Impersonal Passive Voice
How often have you read e-mails or heard news saying that “this and that has been decided”, or “has been done”? Have you ever asked yourself how come these things have just happened? Did they just occur by themselves, do they have a mind of their own so that they can take decisions by themselves? Why aren’t the people who have decided or done them, able to take responsibility for their own actions?
It is what it is
When things go really wrong, after there is nobody left to blame, and nothing obvious left to be done, people just say that “it is what it is”. Bad news is, that it’s not what it is, but what you made it. There are no dead ends and unsolvable problems, but there are people without the will to fight further.
I did my job
You might be one of those who finish things faster than the rest, and do them very well. Still, the project is falling behind schedule and it is likely to even fail completely if things go on like they did so far. It is the time for you to chose to be a superstar or a helping hand. Winners usually take the second choice, because there are no personal victories in a team sport.
Title picture © Aleksandr Stikhin | Dreamstime.com
